(no subject)
The perfect smile - Hollywood whites
Dreamy days and neon nights
Sushi lunches, pink champagne
Designer jeans to hide the pain
Flashing cameras, screaming fans
First class holidays and movie plans
Photo shoots, stiletto heels
A few more drugs, a few less meals
Hunger pangs you want to feel
To let you know this life is real
Thin, successful, all I can be
That Hollywood smile will come from me

(no subject)
Winters ice runs through my veins as daylight stabs my eyes
Yesterdays hopes and promises were all just pretty lies
Rising up to face the world my stomach just sinks lower
Emptiness and hopelesness make time go even slower
The door is open just a crack, the outside's seeping in
Forced to play an evil game I know I cannot win
Another day of tears and fears I'll have to overcome
Another chance to realize what a mess I have become.

Sorry for depressing anyone :/

Going back on my word
New GW: 98lbs. I'll wait until wednesdays over, god help me, but this isnt enough. :/

Just an Update
Nothing new. Hasnt been terrible, hasnt been great. About 106, 105ish. It will be 102 by Sunday.

(no subject)
What is up with the negativity? The way I see it, doing this with people who know every detail of your ed, exercise, b/p habits, diet etc is alot safer than doing it alone. I eat more when I'm on these sites that when I'm not and I lose more too. It's like, learning and knowing you're doing something about it relieves the guilt a little. I don't care what anyone thinks, it just pisses me off that people think banning something resolves a problem. Have we learnt nothing through our existence?!

This isnt directed at anyone. I'm just pissed off with the world. Their views. Their judgement. I dont judge you for eating 7x your r/ daily fat intake so fuck off and leave me alone.

Sorry ¬¬

(no subject)
108lbs will be 107 tomorow. Cba to write it all in now, [screened] totally fucked me up today. I'm soooo tired. Going to fall into bed xx

Edit: Despite my efforts, was still 108 :(   Had veggie, salad and fruit today, total = 117 cals. Oh, and water. Burned = 650 cals.

I hope I don't stop losing. If I'm not lighter by tomorow I'm having a 'meal' on Saturday. Decision made.

I really hope everyone else lost something xx

Weight Chart
I've been keeping track of everything lately so I'm posting it all here and I can update/edit everyday.

Weight:    116.6    114.6    113.4   111.6   111.8    108.8    1.08.2    110.0    110.2    110.4       
Fat:          16.3      15.3      14.9     14.1      13.9     13.6     12.8      13.8     14.1     14.3            
Water:       63.2      64.5     65.4     66.0     67.0     66.7     66.4      65.7     66.6      66.1    


Weight:     111.2    110.6   110.2    108.6    108.2     109.0 
Fat:            14.1     13.7     13.5    13.2     14.8     14.1   
Water:        67.7     67.3     65.7     66.6     66.6     67.0 

Was 110 tonight but I'm hoping thats just water weight. I think I'll be lighter tomorow :)

I love watching the water % go up and the bodyfat % go down. Hopefully it will keep me motivated.

(Edited to fit, took forever lol)

(no subject)
So my tummy got over the binge and my weight just dropped :D back on track and heading for my goal weight. GW1: 107lbs (im hoping by tues) GW2: 104lbs (Saturday / Sunday) I'm going to try and stop there. I'm not sure how yet, but I dont want to be ill. I want to enjoy it. I want to finally be happy enough with my body to not feel the need to do something about it.

(no subject)
Just ate a steam bag of birds eye veggies today. Brocolli, peas and carrots. I had no idea apple sauce was fat free so im glad I read the label. My weight loss just stopped after eating crap and now its going down like 0.2lbs per day. It's not enough for me :( I'm hoping that once my bodys used up the glycogen from all those icky carbs the fat will start dissapearing again. It should have happened by now but I dont expect much from my body these days.

I hate the days following a binge, where your stomach completely changes shape and takes a couple of days to go back in. I actually dreamt of mcdonalds. Fkn ridiculous, how gross is that!? I've just been tearful and angry with myself non stop. Sometimes it feels like it's just as hard to hide the emotional side of this. It's pretty much all I have now.

But apart from my emotional state, I guess I'm doing ok. I have been working out like crazy and I have alot of water anyway because I carry a bottle everywhere. I just want someone to get inside my head, take a look around and tell me what they think. Its so frustrating to think that no one can ever see my world, my reality.

(no subject)
I cant believe what I've just done. Not only did I binge, I couldn't get rid of it. I tried everything, and I mean EVERYTHING. It used to be so easy but it's been a while since I've had to and my stomach just grabbed it because of the fasting and restricting. I was doing so well, I was looking at this skirt online I wanted to buy for the summer. After my failed attempts and alot of crying I came back to the computer and that skirt looked awful. I could see my fat in it, not pretty. My stomach hurts so much and I'm so angry at myself. I'm never binging again, it does nothing but drown me in self disgust.

I hope you've all done so much better than me, I really hope you're reaching your goals. Dont bother binging, it's not worth it. Why trade what you have now with a day like that.

SS, TT xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx


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